William James, one of the greatest psychologists America has ever produced, once wrote a book about human needs. Some years later, he commented that he failed to include the most important need of all — the need to be appreciated.
We like to be around people who show us appreciation. Yet, we often fail to express appreciation to our spouses, children, colleagues, neighbours, leaders, servants and so on .
One study showed that only 20 percent of a family’s time was spent in having fun or saying nice things to each other. To change this, a family must begin to look for each other’s strengths.
Try not to miss an opportunity to give each other a sincere compliment. It’s important to tell others things like, “You are important to me” or “I care about you” or “You have many things to contribute to this world.”
Appreciation Versus Flattery
Appreciation is a bait that will empower you to be a successful fisher of men! It’s what everyman craves for and when it does not come from the right quarters, man pursues the fake which is flattery.
The difference between appreciation and flattery is simple. Flattery is telling people what they want to hear. For instance, the rich members of a local church would rather the pastor says nothing about their vices. They would rather prefer that the pastor “massages” their ego by telling the world how wonderful they have been.
Appreciation on the hand, is to be careful enough in recognizing deeds that are praiseworthy and commending the doer in a way that shows approval and encouragement.
Importance Of Appreciation 1 Thess. 1
It Is The Greatest Motivator
Appreciation, not money, is the greatest motivator. Many years ago, I commenced a professional examination that was very demanding. I had to be away studying most weekends and so I figured it was a good way of excusing myself from the church where I was earning a stipend as an assisting pianist.
I discussed with the pastor that since I would no longer be available for most of the weekend services, I wouldn’t want to collect any money again and should therefore be allowed to relinquish my position.
However, what the old man said shook me to my foundation. “Young man” he said, “don’t bring me a resignation letter because if you do, I will tear it into pieces and throw the shreds at you.”
The pastor continued, “You have done so well such that we can never pay you enough. Go and complete your studies and come to assist the church with your gift of music anytime you can” then he concluded, “I want you to note however, that I’ll ensure you are continually paid because you’ve always done more than expected.”
To the glory of God, I passed my exams and completed my studies in time and a couple of months later, I stopped collecting money from the church. The good news is that almost two decades later, I’m still a member of this same church, contributing to its progress!
If an average pastor knows how to appreciate their members, they will be able to retain their flocks. By the same token, if church members would only learn to appreciate the efforts of their pastor, they will get more from God through the intercession and teachings of their pastor.
You Need To Sow Appreciation In Order To Be Appreciated
The story was told of a University graduate whose father did not appreciate his success in academic pursuit because the boy did not win a prize during convocation ceremonies.
Anytime a graduating student was invited to collect his prize, the father would sigh and mumble, “That’s another great child who did not come to school to play; what a joy to his parents!”
After the events were over, parents and well wishers were driving out of the campus in expensive cars with their graduating children. Meanwhile, the father and son in question were waiting for a taxi outside the campus gate.
Then the son spoke up, “Those are lovely fathers who worked hard to make life easier for their children. They did not waste opportunities; what a joy to their household!”
The moral lesson in the story is that the person that you don’t appreciate would find it difficult to appreciate you in turn. What goes round comes around!
Appreciation Affects Productivity
Without appreciation from an editor, Charles Dickens would not have been a writer. I suffered from inferiority complex earlier in life and part of it was my inability to speak in public.
However, this was to change the day one man heard me saying I was better at expressing myself in writing than by speaking. The man challenged me that I already had great potential for becoming an accomplished speaker if only I would develop myself in that area.
Nowadays, whenever encomiums follow my speech delivery, I can’t but thank God that I accepted the man’s challenge!
It was the appreciation I received from a renowned journalist with respect to a letter I wrote my villagers some years ago that built confidence in me that I could write!
What more can I say? I was spurred on to rehearse and master how to play the saxophone just because people kept telling me of how they were being blessed by my ministrations within the first two months of learning to play the instrument.
It Is A Shortcut To Getting More Than What You Appreciated
Whoever praises a cook may likely get more in terms of quality and quantity. Everyone craves to be appreciated and since a few people care to, reward awaits those that do.
By showing concern to an airline staff that was put under stress by a difficult passenger, a man got more than what he paid for. He was put on the business class of the flight for daring to show understanding and appreciation.
Who says your driver cannot drive better and more carefully if his efforts are constantly appreciated? If all he gets however, is a barrage of insults just because he’s on your payroll, he wouldn’t be bothered about whatever misfortune befalls you or your car.
When You Appreciate Others, You Appreciate God
Appreciation of the people around you is a major way of appreciating the God that you cannot see for they are the works of His hands. We should know that it is not natural for man to do good. When any man does any good, we should see God at work. He is the one that gives the power to do good. If that good then is not appreciated, we have not done well to the creator who made everything good.
It Is What Makes Leaders Great
Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. Great men are known by the way they treat little men. You cannot exercise solid influence on the man that does not respect you. A dog that is not appreciated by the owner cannot respect the owner.
Good husbands are those that know how to show appreciation for the meal their wives prepare, the bed they make, the dress they wear, the neatness of the environment where they live, the care over the children and what have you. Where there is appreciation, there is little or no nagging.
Charles Schwab, a man that received 1million USD from Andrew Carnegie not because he was the most knowledgeable about steel manufacturing but because he knew how to motivate men through appreciation disclosed his secret:
I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm amount the men the greatest asset I possess and the way to deep the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement.
I am yet to find the man however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.
Dangers of not Appreciating.
ROM 1: 21FF
1. If not given by the right person, your spouse may crave for it somewhere else and get the fake— flattery. There was the story of a bigamist that stole the hearts of 23 women and their bank savings. When asked how he “bewitched” them, he said that all he did was to talk to the women about themselves. Those that cannot appreciate the beautiful dress worn by their spouses risk losing them to those that would commend the attire. Disreali, a shrew leader of the British empire said, “Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.”
2. What led to the untimely death of Nabal (1 Sam 25: 3-39) and the rich fool (Luke 12:16-20)? Not appreciating. David and his men protected the servants and assets of the rich Nabal. When David and his men needed assistance in the way of provision, what did Nabal say? “And Nabal answered David’s servants, and said, Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse? there be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master” (1Sam 25:10.)
The Yorubas have a saying: “An ingrate is worse than a thief that carts away one’s goods.” What do we do to a thief? Do we treat them with dignity? When you are not grateful, there is the risk of getting the treatment of a thief.
3. What is not appreciated depreciates. In accounting, we talk of assets. While vehicles, furniture, etc are depreciated (i.e. the wear and tear as a result of use are adjusted for by reducing the initial value), land is not treated that same way. Land is often appreciated because of the fact that it is very limited in supply. It is fixed and anything that man does is principally on land. Gold is from land and either it appreciates in value or otherwise is all a function of whether people respect it or not. The woman that is not appreciated will look older rapidly. She’ll be careless about her dressing and fail to bring out the beauty of God in her.
4. God made man that we might praise and worship Him. God appreciates appreciation and if man is made in his image, man naturally would. Ingrate Israelites were destroyed by angels. Ingratitude was regarded as one of the terrible sins in the Bible.
How do you Appreciate?
It starts with you accepting people you deal with (be it your spouse, children, colleagues, friends, associates etc) just as they are: physically, mentally, socially etc …just as they are “without one plea”. Note that you also have your own weaknesses which if people don’t overlook, may make it difficult for anyone to relate with you.
Once the heart is conditioned to accept people as stated above, then you should practice:
- Verbal appreciation- this may be by words or singing a love song
- Facial appreciation- winking, focusing, use of eyelids in particular to your spouse.
- Appreciation with your action e.g. buying gifts, honouring the person in the public as well as behind him / her. If it’s your spouse, take him / her to a concert; throw a surprise party on his / her behalf, calling a radio station to dedicate a song to him / her, record your love messages in a tape and place in his or her car stereo.
- Written appreciation e.g. poem, love note in unexpected places (for your spouse), SMS, letter of appreciation etc.
- Frequent reciprocation of good deeds, always trying to do more for the person than what the person has done for you.
- Listen with your heart, understand the language of love that the person desires and speak such to him or her
Conclusion:
Note that in the word of Carnegie, any fool can criticize, condemn and complain— most fools do. Appreciation is a way of increasing the sum total of this world’s happiness. You may never remember but your recipient may never forget what your appreciation has done.