Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. In Genesis 2:24& 25.
Introduction:
God instituted the first marriage, therefore we can say that marriage is his idea and he is interested in the institution. If you are married and you are born again, believe that God is involved in your marriage. Even if you were not born again at the time of making decisions, or you were not sure that he directed you to your partner or you out rightly disobeyed his directions with regards to the person to choose, repent quickly and believe that old things are passed away. He can take you up from where you are now if you trust him and insulate your marriage against damages.
Since God is the author of marriage, it can only be run successfully by following the manual of how to live in His kingdom; the bible (Psalm 119:130). The Christian marriage is like a triangle with God at the apex. As each person draws closer to God, the space between the couple reduces and they become automatically closer to each other.
Christian love relationship and marriage is an important aspect of the Christian life. Just like any other thing in the Christian’s life, everything that happens in the relationship should be in accordance with the virtues of the kingdom of God. Just like a Christian is an ambassador of Christ, a Christian marriage is a witness for God. An ambassador or a witness for the kingdom of God should propagate the gospel and attest to the wisdom and power of God in our world. If your marriage succeeds, it will glorify God.
Many principles determine stability and happiness in a home. If you follow them, you shall reap great rewards. In this article, I will focus on four basic principles given to Adam the first man before the fall. They are Severance, Permanence, Unity and Intimacy. (Gen 2:23-25). It is practically impossible for anyone not being led by the Holy Spirit to follow these principles but children of God who are interested in following his will should take the word of God as final in their hearts and marriages.
Severance
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother……….. Severance means separation. When two people get married they should be separated physically and emotionally from their parents and friends and cling to each other. Practically, this may mean, that they should avoid living with or close to parents or other relatives. They should also learn to keep their matters discreetly. Leaving and cleaving may involve a little sense of guilt but you should not feel guilty that you are leaving your parents to make ‘someone else’ your new focus. Never mind, those parents will be very proud of and rejoice over you when your marriage succeeds.
Permanence
‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. To cleave means to glue or to cling together permanently. This principle means that you should enter into marriage with the mind that you are in it forever. In our days, many people marry with the idea that if it works fine, if it doesn’t work no problem. That is a good recipe for a failed marriage. Two people should marry with the mind that they will never separate. This is why it is important for people to learn about marriage very well and understand the gravity of the commitment involved, before saying ‘I do”. Marriage is for a lifetime not for as long as things are all right. It is not a trial relationship. A couple should be determined to be committed to their mates throughout their lifetime and this resolve should be communicated often with spouses not just on the wedding day.
If you believe the word of God that He instituted your marriage (Gen 2:18), that He gave you your wife (or husband) and has made you found favour in his sight meaning that your wife is a gift (Prov. 18:22) then you should make up your mind to be committed to that marriage for life. The fear of your marriage breaking and therefore entertaining the idea of putting some measures in place goes against the principle of faith (2 Tim 1:7). The author of Romans make it clear in chapter 1: v 16&17 that if you want to experience the righteousness of God, then you have got to believe and practice his word (the gospel) because his goodness and righteousness are revealed through the gospel from faith to faith, the just shall live by faith. If you really want your marriage to be secured, then speak, conduct yourself, manage your finances do everything as if you are married to your spouse permanently. God honours faith not fear, he will make your marriage succeed as you trust him with it. I have resolved that I am into my marriage for my lifetime; I trust God to keep me, my husband and the marriage, and I communicate it often.
Unity
When God created the first marriage, his plan is that the man and his wife will be one flesh forever. (Gen 2:24). A Christian couple is one flesh and this realization should reflect in all they do, they should be one in all things. This one flesh is not just about sex. It means being of one mind and seeing the other person as a part of you; not just as a separate person. It means having one voice and flowing in the same direction. The Christian couple is one in everything including their finances, relationship with other people etc
Unity does not happen suddenly on the wedding day, it is a process. As the couple intentionally works out the relationship together under God’s leading and direction, they become more united. Unity is not the same as uniformity. They will still have their individual traits and personalities, they cannot behave in the same way and have all their interests the same all the time but they willingly blend into each other. They should not be divided in goals, aspirations, ministry and other things. Their goal should always be to work things out as one man not two people.
In Gen 2:18, God says being alone is not good therefore, don’t try to make decisions or do things alone in your marriage. No matter the educational, social or financial status of your spouse, you get a lot of benefits from involving him/her in decision making. If you do otherwise, you may also lose a lot. In my marriage, decisions that was made alone or insisted on by one person without agreement with the other person has led to loss of time and money for the family. Gen 1: 21&22 makes us to understand that without the woman the man is not complete and of course vice versa. God’s intention in marriage is that the two people are completely united in mind, spirit and purpose and hence complement each other. If you are not complete, then you cannot make the best decision alone! Moreover, a kingdom or house that is divided against himself cannot stand (Mark 3:24-25). That means that if a couple is not united, their progress will be slow or retarded.
If you believe that your spouse is one flesh with you, then it is easy for you to understand that any attempt to divorce will cause you a lot of pain because if you cut part of your physical flesh, you will suffer pain. The basis is that you trust God to keep your home and you are ready to follow the guideline of the scriptures, therefore you are sure that the foundation can never crack.
Intimacy
Intimacy implies complete closeness and transparency as described in Gen 2:25…. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. It means no hidden agenda, no hang-ups, no embarrassment, and no fears. It means laid bare, the absence of self consciousness. Intimacy is enjoyed when two people are confident that the other person has left all others indeed, is cleaving permanently, and is of one mind and going in the same direction. Intimacy is God’s will and it is good. (Heb.13:4, Sol 5:10-15). Christian couples should have the right attitude towards intimacy & sex. There is no other method for God’s pattern of Christian marriage to be achieved. You can co-exist with a spouse without experiencing intimacy. It may work out well such that everything in the home seems peaceful and the children grow up to become adults but after a while, everything may grow arid, dissatisfaction sets in and can lead to marital infidelity or divorce.
You should make efforts to be open & naked to each other even though it makes you more vulnerable. Don’t hide anything: Gen 3:9-10. Unguarded transparency prompts unrestrained intimacy. If you are to develop an intimate relationship, you need to know each other’s desires, wounds, fear, expectations, close friends and those who counsel your spouse. All these things will help you understand your spouse better and be able to relate appropriately.
One of the things that enhance intimacy is togetherness. Use the power of togetherness to improve your intimacy. Do as many things as possible together. You can brush, bathe, eat, sleep or do anything together. I remember a couple I admire a lot. One day, I was sitting close to them in church and saw them sharing a pamphlet. I quickly offered them an extra pamphlet so that each of them will have one and the husband gently refused implying that it was intentionally to be sharing one. It gave them the opportunity for their bodies to be in contact with each other. It touched me deeply and I wish every couple will emulate such acts. My husband brush together at night, try to go to bed at the same time, and call each other and send messages to each other during the day; though some other things are not practically possible.
If you are struggling with sex, it may mean that you are not intimate enough. When you spend a lot of time alone with someone, it usually leads to a level of fondness in the heart which should make sex easier. This is why people are warned not to have a close relationship with or stay alone with someone of the opposite sex often or in a lonely environment. It may lead to a spark in the heart which can lead to other unwarranted acts.
Please note however that intimacy does not remove tact, be positive. Some people talk to their spouses carelessly claiming that they are being free. It doesn’t make sense to apply tact when dealing with other people outside who have little impact on your life and treat your spouse who will affect you for the rest of your life without tact. Intimacy is for your partner’s satisfaction not yours. If you really want to be intimate, you must know your partner very well. After all, knowing him/her will help you live a good life because he/she affects you and creates the atmosphere of your home.
Conclusion: Nothing including a huge bank account is as exciting and fulfilling as a monogamous, long term relationship. Comfort and security are stronger than material possession. I pray that as you obey the word of God, you will strike the original match and the fire of love will burn brightly in your marriage again (Amen).