Introduction: God created sex; He does not hate it (Gen 2:18 & 25). He wants everyone to enjoy it but only within the context of marriage. It is beautiful and acceptable as long as the two people involved are married (Heb 13:4). Unfortunately many people have misconstrued the issue of sex. Some think since God created it then, it should be enjoyed by everybody, at any time and with anybody who agrees to be a sexual partner. Such people would argue that they are only obeying nature when they get entangled with fornication or adultery which the bible clearly states as sin. On the other hand, some regard it so dirty that they find it difficult to enjoy it even in their own marriages. They think it’s a necessary evil in marriage. The enemy capitalizes on these wrong ideas many times and makes many Christians or their partners fall into sexual sins. Their marriages are affected and become disgraceful to the body of Christ.
Sex is a very important aspect of marriage and its success will help you to achieve success in your marriage and be a light in the thick darkness of sexual sins and broken marriages in our world today. In this article, we will examine what God expects males and females to do to have a successful sexual life.
First and foremost, married people should know that the road to enjoy great sex is to determine to please the partner. If you set out to please yourself, you will surely be disappointed. God wants you to view sex as a gift to be given to your partner. Interestingly, when you are determined to make your partner happy and do things that enhance your sexual life for his /her sake, you enjoy it better than when you are concerned about your partner pleasing you.
Married people should recognize that sex is important and not shy away from it. It’s like oil to your marriage if done properly. You should discuss issues surrounding it such as the preferred frequency, environment and actions that will excite you. Please leave being shy or feeling that some things should not be discussed for people in the last century. Talk about everything.
Remember that the fuel that will make the ‘fire of sex’to burn easily and brightly is intimacy. Recognize and explore its power to make your marriage and sex life better. Connect with your spouse from the moment you wake up till you go to bed. Most people are under too much pressure from morning till night, seven days a week and forget that they are supposed to be intimate with their spouses. Create time in spite of your busy schedule to make phone calls and send messages during the day. Do things together and look for every opportunity to be together. This will make sex easy and natural, not something that would be worked out specially.
Have you ever wondered why a man who has a beautiful wife sleeps with his secretary or why male and female colleagues have extramarital affairs? There are many reasons but one of them is intimacy. When two people stay and do things together most of the time, they may become drawn to each other. Most people spend more time in the office than at home; therefore if one is not careful and deliberate in being close to his /her spouse, he/she may become more fond of his/her colleague while the partner becomes a total stranger. Don’t let anything affect your intimacy with your spouse.
Husbands should learn to love their wives outside the bed. Tell your wife you love her (in a romantic manner) when you don’t have sex in view. Make it a lifestyle not just part of the preparations for sex. Avoid negative comments; be nice. Keep praising her in your thoughts & words. Look for issues to commend. Pay attention to your wife all day from the time you wake up; honour her. Women need a lot of time to get tuned and be able to enjoy sex.
Give enough time to talk and have foreplay before you go into the marriage act proper. Continue talking during the act; say sweet words that can sustain the excitement. Be innovative before and during the act. Don’t turn and sleep immediately after sex. A woman usually feels sad when you do so because having climbed up the ‘mountain’ of orgasm, she is just descending gradually and wants you beside her during the descent. Leaving her at such a time will create pain that will affect her feelings towards you and in turn your sexual life. Watch out for times when your wife is more amorous and don’t waste such moments. A woman does not feel the same way all the days of the month.
A woman should learn that sex is a need in most men. Women should not think that men are beasts when they demand for sex often; God created them to be always ready for sex. Understand your husband’s sex drive and flow with it. Orientate yourself so that it can be enjoyed. Make yourself available by making your dressing neat, cute and scanty. Try your best to complete your work in good time so that you can freshen up and be relaxed when you are with your husband. Keep yourself as much as you can to have a cheerful spirit, face and attractive body.
Prepare yourself to meet your husband with love and understanding and he will treat you better for your consideration. Never deny him of sex except you have both agreed to abstain for a while ( 1 Cor. 7:3-5). Don’t use sex denial as a punishment. You might feel you have succeeded in punishing him but you would have created more problems in your relationship. If there’s anything you are not pleased with, discuss it and forgive. If a woman refuses to have sex with her husband, it makes him feel inadequate; like a sense of failure. Why would you want your husband going around with a sense of failure? Such action can never be of any benefit to you.
Be spontaneous, don’t have timetable for sex. Don’t think that if you have sex on certain day, it cannot take place that same day or the following day. There’s no disadvantage in having it up to three times a week. As a matter of fact research has shown that sex helps the body to relax, have a good sleep, relieves pain, burns calories and is beneficial to the heart among many other advantages.
Christian couples, please do your best to satisfy each other and prayerfully avoid sexual temptations. It tears people apart. (Prov. 23:27). Anyone can face sexual temptations, but it is easier to overcome when you are always satisfied by your spouse.
Conclusion: Choose God’s way to enjoy sex with your spouse so that you will know how to resist the adulteresses. Avoid unnecessary closeness to the opposite sex. Such relationships can destroy your capacity to love your partner. May the Almighty God help you to keep your marriage vows and be a testimony in our generation (Amen).